Wearing a strap on harness can be an empowering experience, or it can be an awkward time. In general most strap on harness guides focus on the pleasure and experience of the bottom, or person receiving penetration. While giving your partner pleasure can be fun in itself, options for making it more pleasurable for the wearer are out there! There are lots of ways to not only make it more comfortable, but add things you like. It all depends on how you want to make strap-ons more fun for the wearer.
One of the best parts about strap ons is that anyone that wants to use them, can use them. If you have a penis or a vulva, you can use a strap-on. You can use a strap-on to penetrate someone of any gender. You can use strap ons to play with gender roles, or you can use them just for fun, or you can use one to manage erectile or even orgasmic issues. You can use a strap-on for vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, manual sex, or masturbation. The possibilities are endless.
And remember to have fun! Yes, things can be awkward at first but not letting it stress you out, and enjoying the giggles and missteps that come are part of the experience.
First step is finding a strap on harness that is comfortable to wear and sturdy. Sometime when we try new things we don’t want to invest a lot of money into it in case we don’t enjoy it, then at least we have’t invest a ton of money into it. Unfortunately with strap on harnesses, you really do get what you pay for. If the harness doesn’t fit properly, or won’t stay secured, it will have an effect on the sex you’re having. I would hate to think that people stopped having strap on sex because they couldn’t enjoy it because of a shitty harness. It can take a while to figure out what you like, and sometimes you won’t learn until after you’ve made a purchase and tried it out. Don’t get discouraged, just try to hone in on what exactly you didn’t like so you can find other options.
My favorite harness is the Spare Parts Joque. It is super adjustable, so if your weight fluctuates, or you plan on sharing it with someone who isn’t the same waist size as you, then this is the more versatile version of an underwear style harness. I also prefer the Joque because it leaves more skin exposed, which lets more touch happen to the wearer while still giving plenty of support. Get your own Joque from Spectrum Boutique here. The Joque is also great if you wanted to wear it under your clothes to be ready to go for play parties, or public encounters. It can also be worn in water, so it open up possibilities that aren’t available if you use a leather harness.
If Leather is more your style, then you want to look for ones with thicker straps. Especially if you’re someone with a bigger body so the straps don’t cut into you. It also helps stabilize the toy and hold it in place better. My personal favorite leather harness is Aslan Leather Minx. Get your own Aslan Minx harness from Spectrum Boutique here. It’s not only a beautiful harness, but the thicker straps and back piece help keep even heavy toys in place.
If as far as you’ve gone with wearing a harness still lives in the realm of fantasy, practice wearing your harness around the house once you’ve purchased it. Wearing a harness and dildo can feel weird at first. It’s a whole extra appendage that you may have never had before. It takes some time to bond with your new body part. Wear your new gear around the house as you do non-sexual activities. Wash the dishes, watch tv, read a book; you get the idea. I know I’ve talked to friends about doing the helicopter with my dildo the first time putting it on. Go on! Have fun, and don’t take yourself too seriously.
Give yourself some time to get used to it, and get a sense of how the strap-on works with your specific body and needs. The more comfortable you are with it on your own, the easier it will be to use it with a partner. If you want to become particularly close to your new toy, try masturbating with it. Stroke it like it’s your own bio-cock. Or even use it to penetrate yourself if you want the best idea of what it feels like. Remember that leather requires some extra breaking in sometimes, so wearing your leather harness beforehand is particularly effective in helping things be the most comfortable.
When trying to figure what fun new things to do, don’t forget about BJs. It’s not just for factory installed cocks. Check out my tips for giving BJs on dildos here. And to make the experience truly immersive, read my review of the BJ dildo here. It has a hollow core so the suction given to the toy is actually felt by the wearer!
Non Vibrating Additions
The Bumpher is a dildo add on, that is designed to provide additional comfort and stimulation for the wearer. The Bumpher fits over the base of a dildo and provides something to bump up and grind against. Get your own Bumpher from Spectrum Boutique here. If grinding against toys, or body parts is a way you get off then this might be a great add on to the toys you already have in your collection.
If you’re not someone who wants to add vibration, but wants some front hole penetration, and sensation then consider kegel balls. They’re intended to be worn in the vagina, and have little balls inside of them that move around with your movement. That rumbly sensation that comes with the movement of the balls make your pelvic floor clench and release. This is probably not a sensation that can help someone reach an orgasm, but can add some extra sensation and can exercise your pelvic floor during. My favorite set is the Ami from Je Joue which you can buy from Spectrum Boutique here.
G Spot Stimulation
If you want to add some penetration, and G spot stimulation then think about adding a double dildo. Which means the smaller bulb gets inserted into the wearer’s vagina, then the other end is used to penetrate the other person. They are typically called strapless strap ons, but while they do feel good when they pull on the G spot when you’re wearing them, it’s way more convenient to wear it with a harness so it doesn’t get pulled out of the wearer. Ones that are Curved for the wearer are the best option. Below are some of my reccs with links to Spectrum Boutique.
- Tango Double Dildo by Fuze
- Share Double Dildo by Fun Factory
- Nexus Senior and Nexus Junior by Vixen Creations
Anal is another great way for the wearer to get added stimulation. A curved and heavy stainless steel plug can add a nice feeling for fullness. Grab an Njoy plug from Spectrum Bouique here. The curve will work well with people of all genders and bodies, and the stainless steel is also great for temperature play, so don’t forget to warm or cool your plug before you play with it!
Vibrating Options For the Wearer
Remote control options
When thinking about adding toys that vibrate while you’re wearing a harness, ones with a remote control or even a phone app are great options because once you’re wearing the harness you won’t have to take it off mid thrust to adjust your vibrator. We Vibe and Bvibe make some of my favorite remote controlled toys. Some of the We vibe toys even have a phone app that allows you to control them over long distances. Some of my favorites are below with where they are intended to stimulate. Links leads to Spectrum Boutique.
- Anal plug with remote
- Clit Vibe With App control
- Moxie by We Vibe. Even includes magnet to help it stay in place.
- Dual, G spot and Clit stimulation
G Spot and Vibration
Those doubles I mentioned before also have versions that have a vibrator built in. Silicone is durable, hygienic and transmits vibration very well. So keep that in mind because the receiver will also feel the vibration with these. So that can be a positive or a negative, depending on you and your partners preference. Click the links for my reccs for this style with built in vibrators.
Let me know in the comments if you have any specific questions or concerns. Go forth and enjoy strap on sex!
Toy reccomendations can all be purchased at Spectrum Boutique.
All thoughts and opinions are my own. The links are affiliate links, if you buy something you won’t pay a penny more but I’ll get a small commission. Thanks!