Looking to get out of your orgasm rut? Did you accidently train your body to reach your big O in one way and now you’re trying to figure out how the heck to expand your pleasure repertoire. Since right now you are the safest sex partner for yourself. Masturbation will never spread COVID-19! But what that means for us is that prolonged isolation tends to mean sticking to the same masturbation routine day in and day out; and that can certainly get boring. Keep in mind that none of us are born inherently knowing how to orgasm. Some people take years of sexual exploration and working on anxiety, physical pain, or depression to get there.
You might also want to get ready to invite a new person into your bubble so to speak, and because it’s so much easier to orgasm with a sex toy than it is with a hand, a mouth, or another’s genitals you might have performance anxiety. If you’re used to coming in less than a minute with your trusty sex toy of choice, orgasming with the assistance of a non-mechanical mortal human may feel like work. But it’s worth it to expand your orgasmic potential!
Don’t be goal-orientated
Sure, reaching the big O is great. But if you’re only touching yourself to get off immediately you’re missing out on some of the fun. Slow down and really take the time to touch your own body. You can sit in front of the mirror and slowly touch different parts of your while paying watching your body’s response in the mirror. Take the time to figure out what gets you aroused. Keep a journal if that might help you, then you can write down the path your arousal takes. When does peak? Does it burn out slowly? Does you never really peak at all? Practice trying to maintain a state of arousal as long as possible, and get yourself on a routine of non-goal-focused, exploratory self-pleasure. You can even take the time in the shower to explore your body. As you shower, rather than touching to wash yourself, take one minute to touch for pleasure and exploration.
Enjoy The Journey & Embrace Orgasmic Edging
The more you obsess over reaching the big O, the less likely it is to actually happen. And that can be even more frustrating! So try and stop worrying about how you’re going to get there, and enjoy the process. In fact your brain is half the battle! If you’ve convinced yourself that you can’t get there in any other position then your tried and true, your body will trust you. After all, your mind is your biggest sex organ. You’ll just need to believe you have the ability to orgasm. If you you convince yourself you can only orgasm with a certain sex toy or position, when you don’t have that you’ll feel like it’s impossible. Physiology is important in arousal, of course, but your brain does more work than you might even realize. So keep your thinking positive and it’ll be easier to get there.
Edging and not letting yourself over the edge is equally important in expanding your orgasm. The longer you can edge yourself and stay in that pre-orgasm space, often the bigger and more intense the orgasm. Staying in that space requires practice and intentional effort. It can include pausing your stimulation altogether, or adding a new sensation into the mix, or do something else entirely in order to remain at the edge without letting yourself reach orgasm!
Change up intensities
There is a popular vibrator myth that you’ll desensitize your genital’s with a strong vibrator like a wand. I promise you that you can’t cause lasting detrimental effects with a vibrator. Even if you use a vibrator every day, multiple times a day, your body will return to baseline a few minutes after each session or orgasm. Think of it this way, if you sit on your foot, it’ll go numb because of the pressure, but it will come back once you leave it alone. Same goes with the clit if you overwhelm it with intense vibrations. It’ll go back to normal. But you can train accidentally yourself to only reach the big O from one setting. The fix is simply to take a break from using high-powered vibrators and experiment using other methods of stimulation, maybe that’s using your hands, gentler vibrator or pulsation settings, or even your hands or non-vibrating sex toys. You might have some exploration sessions where you don’t even reach orgasm, and that’s perfectly fine. Just explore your body, different kinds of stimulation, and pleasure in general.
Try a whole new sensation
Even as simple as giving a different hand a chance when touching yourself; substitute one toy for another; and so on. You can expect a period of adjustment as your body learns to orgasm differently, but this kind of exploration just means that you expand your orgasm potential, which can often mean you reach climax more often! It’s easy to get focused on your genitals when you’re trying to intensify your orgasms, but including the rest of your body can even more explosive. Try to involve as much of your body’s hot spots as possible, and explore your body to discover brand new hot spots. Wherever the skin on your body is thin, like behind the knee, your armpit, back of your neck, etc, will feel great to caress and explore with touch. Try exploring with different sensation, from warm massage oil, to running a pinwheel on the skin, to a feather tickler.
curious about backdoor? Order a plug and some nice thick lube and go slow! Want to try a more teasing fluttering vibration, give the Je Joue Rabbit a shot. Enjoy grinding but want some texture, add the Pelle Whim, or Starsi. Wanna give thrusting toys a go, then pick your size and go for a ride! Think about what sensation you’re wanting to experience and start there. You’ll find the perfect tool to accomplish your goal.
You can also try turning off the lights, closing your eyes, using a blindfold, or wearing sound-canceling headphones to aid you in being more mindful and present during sex. When you take away one sense, it can heighten another, so if you take away your sense of sight or sound, you might be able to better tune into the physical sensations you’re experiencing.
Change up positions!
If you only ever touch yourself while you’re on your stomach, try getting on your back or even standing up. Even start small by changing the angle of your legs or moving from your back to your side can open more orgasmic doors. Changing the angle with a positioning pillow can also help you be more comfortable in different positions or put you in a better angle to access your g/p spot or backdoor. Maybe you’re interested in riding a dildo but want something to help you not work so hard in that position, you can add a sex stool!
Some people have even found that if they hang their head over the side of the bed so that blood rushes to their brain, it heightens their arousal and can cause a stronger orgasm. This position can work as a distraction and can possibly help you get out of your head to reach the big O. You can also try rocking or lifting and lowering your pelvis, which can aid in activating muscles in the pelvic floor which can help folks reach orgasm.
Change up locations
Get your brain excited by touching yourself in brand new places. Do you always masturbate in your bedroom, grab your favorite waterproof vibrator or suction cup toy and head to the bathtub. Even moving to the couch, or a private part of your yard can be an exciting change of pace. I completely understand not having a ton of space, living in a small NYC apartment, but get creative and get out of bed!
Get Inspired By Others
Porn can be a great source of creativity in a variety of ways and can be great to help get things started. And keep in mind that even if you enjoy watching a particular type of porn, it doesn’t have to be a “let’s try this” kind of thing. It’s perfectly fine for it to be just for entertainment. I mean, what better low stakes way to test out each a new kink? Or grab some erotica (some of my faves are here) and get your imagination flowing.
Masturbation can actually increase the chance you’ll have sex with a partner. Sometimes touching yourself is like potato chips and you can’t have just one! Adding some mental stimulation to the party can help enhance physical stimulation. Fantasy is also a creative way to take your mind off anything stressing you out or other anxieties that are distracting you.
Try a whole different time of day.
timing can be everything. If an evening session just isn’t working because you’re in this sexual rut where you always do the same thing, then try morning sex! Some people just have more energy in the morning. It’s lighter in the room. It starts the day off well, and is a great way to deal with a stalled sex life.
Try All Natural Stimulating Oils
Some folks just want to amp things up, and there’s nothing wrong with that. These all natural stimulating gels can be used on nipples, the clit, or under the head of a penis, and it will draw blood to the surface making the sensitive tissue even more sensitive and warm. I love to use a stimulating gel if I’ve been using a vibrator for some time and need to crank up the intensity, or it’s perfect to put on while you do other things and tease yourself to get the juices really flowing!
Warm Things Up. Literally.
It’s hard to not feel like a sexy mermaid after luxuriating in your bathtub. Did you consider that because the water is warm, it will increase blood flow to your genitals. Heat will also make genitals and your skin more sensitive in a good way. Adding warmth raises your temperature, which causes blood flow to increase, which makes even your skin more receptive to stimulation.
Kegels for the Big O
Your pelvic floor strength is important because orgasms are just an involuntary, rhythmic contraction of genital muscles followed by the warm sensation of pleasure making its way through the body. So what does that have to do with the PC muscle? Your PC muscles coil around your pelvis, and they contract during orgasms. When you squeeze your PC muscles by tensing around your genitals, (think of it as those muscles you’d use to stop urinating, but don’t actually do that! It’s a bad habit to pick up) you can either intensify pleasure, stop an orgasm, to bring it on, or to prolong it. Prolonging an orgasm can be done by squeezing the PC to pause the sensation of orgasm, then releasing the contraction to continue the flow of pleasure. The more you practice slowly squeezing, holding, and slowly releasing your PC muscles, the more control you’ll have with your pelvic floor during orgasm. For muscle strengthening, squeeze 10 to 30 times, varying the duration and power of the squeeze, or try adding Kegel Balls into your routine.
Use your Breath
Breath is an integral part of pleasure. On a basic biological level it brings oxygen to all of your glands and body parts and those glands make the endorphins and hormones released during climax and increases blood flow and sensation in the genitals. If you’re looking for a simple way to experiment with your breath and arousal, try taking short, shallow breaths and see it helps take your body into a more intense state of arousal. Then try taking long, slow breaths and show how it affects arousal, and works to relax your body on a physiological level, and thus helping you be more sensitive and attuned to touch.
All thoughts and opinions are my own. Some of the links are affiliate links, if you buy something you won’t pay a penny more but I’ll get a small commission. Thanks!