While it might not be polite conversation, humans have been writing and creating erotica depictions since the dawn of time. After all, as soon as cameras were invented, humans were taking nude photos. So sexting and taking nudes are part of the human experience throughout time. With social distancing the new normal, it’s unavoidable that more and more of us will be turning to new or revisiting old ways to get off. Sexting is just the newest form of communication in a long history of horny advances. Before we had such high quality phones for sharing thirsty selfies there was phone sex. Before phone sex, horny letters! As soon as new tech comes out, humans find a way to use it for their own naughty desires. And now a days—in a time where many of our IRL sexy connections start on our phones—it only makes sense that sexting is an integral part of sex itself. Sexting itself can vary from sending a peekaboo nip slip to an ejaculation video, and everything in between.
Sexting is an easy way to spice things up and explore sexual boundaries. Plus, it’s much easier to say racy things in a text than in person. You can edit your text until you feel it’s perfect! But like anything else, that freedom can get you into trouble. Many sexters have regretted hitting send too soon, so make sure you’re confident before you release that text. Read on for tips on how to protect yourself and your images.
Popular mistakes to avoid!
Together with Pure app we asked people about some of the worst ways to start a chat. The answers had a lot in common
- Sending explicit picture too soon, or without asking first
- Asking to see explicit pictures before even saying hello
- Using pet names or honorifics (like daddy, or baby) without checking in first
- One word responses to well thought out statements
- One word intros. Saying hey, or WYD is not a good way to start a conversation
Consent is step one
Sexting, like the name suggests involves sex so you’ll want consent for sending dirty messages and pictures. Consent will not only show that you’re going to be a considerate lover in person, but no one wants to get a dirty text or picture when spying eyes are looking over their shoulder. Consent prevents that! Even if you’re in an established relationship, asking can I send a spicy picture might save you some headache down the line.
A good opener can be “I’m thinking about you, want to hear some details? Be warned, it’s NSFW…”. This gives your partner space to tell you yes, or no if they’re busy. Consent requires communication. What’s a yes one day may not be a yes the next day. Start by asking questions to the person you’re sexting like “Have you ever sent nudes before?”, “I would love to know what turns you on”, “Is there anything that you always wanted to try but never had a chance to?”, etc.
Should you send nudes?
If you’re not confident about sending someone a nude, trust your gut and don’t send it. But if you’re feeling up to it and you want to do it, it’s a good idea to leave your face out of the photo. Unless you’re someone that is naked on the internet for a living, if the photo does get leaked there is plausible deniability if your face isn’t in the picture. Leaving your face, tattoos, or scars out will make sure that there will be nothing to tie you to it. Keep in mind that there are pretty sophisticated social media algorithms that now have the ability to tag you automatically through facial recognition. Researchers say that tattoos, birthmarks, scars, or other identifying features that could connect your nudes to you should be avoided. Also note, if you are going to take nudes, I highly recommend turning off the sync functions of your clouds, or worse yet, favorite social media site!
You can also do implied nudes, like boudoir style pics.
Basically instead of nudes, you’d take photos that strategically cover the most private of private parts. You can even take pictures of toys you want to use together, lingerie you’ll wear, places you want to hook up, etc, and the spicy caption and verbal expansion of the idea will make those photos sizzle without nudity. An app like Pure has a built-in security function where photos will disappear and not be saved.
Not sure what makes a good nude shot? Then check this guide on nudes.
Check your local laws for exact punishments, but likely it’s illegal for minors under the age of 18 to send nude images of themselves, even to other minors.
Set up Boundaries
It’s important to have a conversation about expectations, language and deal-breakers when sexting. It doesn’t have to be formal; a simple, “This is for you only, please delete” leaves no space for misunderstandings. You should trust and respect the person you’re trading sexts with, and the feeling should be mutual. Having conversations about pronouns and names for genitals before you send a dirty text can save you making your sexting partner uncomfortable or worse, dysphoric. Some questions to consider
- Your partners gender, do they like to be called gendered honorifics?
- Names your partner likes to call their genitals.
- Words to avoid. I think everyone hates some words, even if that word is moist
- Do they want just texts, or are pics and/or videos ok?
- Be mindful about drinking and sexting. This can be tough for some because the confidence that can come after a night spent drinking and dancing can be powerful. But from a privacy perspective, you don’t want anything to compromise your judgement. Nor do you want to accidentally send that sexy text to the wrong person!
- Beyond the fact that it’s incredibly disrespectful to leak someone’s nudes, revenge porn is against the law. In some states in the USA, there are even laws that can send you to jail for up to a year if you break the law.
Sexting can be just fantasy
Indulging in a kinky fantasy through an exchange of words doesn’t necessarily mean that you ever want the fantasy to come true. Sext to practice your dirty talk or just explore a scenario that gets you hot in the moment. You can give it a try on Pure, discover what turns you on, and explore your sensuality.
Sometimes, we sext because we’re lonely or bored and we just want a little sexy attention. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that (unless you’re in a monogamous relationship and you’re shamelessly sexting someone who isn’t your partner). Just remember to sext responsibly, because sexting for a self-esteem boost can shift to feeling bad, followed by a good cry.
Also, keep an eye on autocorrect. Something sexy can quickly turn into something strange when your smartphone plays dumb. So re-reading your texts and being confident in what you’re sending is crucial! You don’t want to innocently be talking about someone’s dimples and your phone changes it to nipples!
Not sure how to start a sext? “I can’t stop thinking about you” is a great opener because it allows for conversation to develop naturally. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to get silly because this is supposed to be fun! Make jokes, giggle at weird autocorrect typos. After all, with IRL hook ups, sometimes weird noises escape our bodies and we can’t avoid it. Sex in all of its form can be funny and awkard, so just try to enjoy it. Taking it too seriously will likely make it even more awkward. Here are more tips for dirty talk if you need a jumping off point.
Sexting is also a great low pressure way to see if your partner is interested in something new. For example, you can use sexting to bring it up and gauge their reaction from the safety of your phone. Or if you’re head-over-heels in love, gush about how the smell of them makes you believe in a higher power and you can’t wait to go down on them to get high off their scent.
While there’s no fool proof way to sext safely these tips should help ease you in and help you make the best decision for yourself. The easiest way to explore sexting if you don’t currently have a partner is through the Pure App where you can explore your desires. Pure is a new dating app where sexting and words are the main focus. A super fun place for private talks and video chats. So prepare for adventure!