Don't be scared of toys

Toys don’t have to be a solo endeavor.

There are lots of toys marketed to couples, but really any toy that you want to use with a partner is a couples toy. I think the biggest hurdle is partners thinking that toys will replace them. It is a common thing I hear in the sex shop I work out and the most common question I get.

I’m here to tell you that toys will never replace your partner.

Toys create sensations, even orgasms but the thing they don’t and can’t replicate is the intimacy between people. Toys can’t flirt with you, they don’t send you birthday cards, or hold you when you cry. You can forget about erotically-charged banter or titillating conversation with a dildo.

There will be no feverish make-up sex, because there will never be any arguments (although there might be yelling when the batteries run out). It won’t talk dirty (it only gets dirty, and it never ever cleans itself!). And it’s terrible at post-coital cuddling. Orgasms are nice and all, but it’s all that other stuff that creates intimacy and the real fun.

Toys can help you explore your desires and try out sensations that humans can’t do without help.

The belief that “using a sex toy means your partner isn’t a good enough lover is one of the most common misconceptions people have about sex toys. It simply isn’t true. Humans like variety, and different sensations can be fun for everyone involved. Also most folks with clits need stimulation to said clit to achieve orgasm. It’s not any shortcoming on your partners end. It’s basic biology.

At the end of the day whether sex toys end up enhancing a relationship or leading to conflict likely depends on the level of openness and communication between partners. 

Nothing is sexier then my partner asking me if I want them to grab the wand. Cause the answer is always yes.